I have been feeling somewhat weird lately. Energised yet tired. Connected and disconnected. Happy and Grumpy, all at the same time. Life is paradox, or at least it seems that way at the moment.

There is who I am and who I want to be. There is who I was and who I am. There is what I want to do vs what I have to do. Life is a complex and many splendoured thing with a grimy underbelly.

----Good Things----
I love my singing lessons. Sokky’s recommendation for a singing teacher was awesome. Thanks Sokky! I enjoy the teacher and her enthusiasm and she seems to enjoy the lessons. As she said yesterday, it’s nice to have a big voice to work with. She muttered something about teenage girls all having the same vocal problems. I seem to present an entirely different set of problems ^_^

She really pushes me to sing with all my body, to really let rip. She has got me practicing Pilate’s Dream from Jesus Christ Superstar and Deep River an old African American spiritual. Both songs are awesome and challenging in different ways. Pilate’s dream I know pretty well but I struggle with the timing, and to some extend the breathing (as in taking the right breathe at the right time).

Deep River I have never heard before. It’s a very cool song but it has some complexities in the melody that I really need to rehearse. Sudden changes to high notes (so much fun to sing) and progression to quite deep notes (also lots of fun to sing, heck they’re all fun to sing).

So year. The singing is the awesome. Strange that Singstar finally inspired me to do it. Because Singstar doesn’t really reward good singing at all. Still, it was at Evie’s Singstar night that realised how much I enjoy singing.

My problem now is that I am shy about practicing at home. Gotta cross that bridge or it will take forever to get good.

I am also loving Ultimate. It’s great to get active and the Creatures teams are awesome. I really do enjoy team sports. It’s more fun exercising with others.

----Not so Good Things----
I am struggling with work. To get motivated. I have lots to do but I am just so over it. There are so many other things I’d like to do with my life. But instead I have to come here and Do Stuff (tm). I mean I like my job well enough from day to day, but it’s just not where I see my life going. I have other passions that I want more time to pursue and yet I simply have to work and, ideally, earn as much as I can.

There is so much more to life than this. I know that in the future I might be able to re-organise my life to allow more time for the stuff I love. But that doesn’t motivate me now.

Actually that’s the only Not so Good Thing. But because I spend so much time at work it kinda dominates the horizon.

Half an hour a week singing. 40 hours a week working. Maybe 4 hours a week at ultimate. 40 hours a week at work. In fact I think my kids see more of their teacher than they do me :(

All this needs to change. And I can see how it will change, but I just want it to change now.

But I suspect, like Grasshopper, I must be patient…


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(1)Incidentally, the movie Strange Days is teh r0XX0r. I totally want to see it again...