This is essentially a reply to my previous post about "unmeetable desires". The congnitive dissonance I sometimes find myself in is the recognition that I am letting my life dissipate into cravings and urgers, rather than focussing on the "one thing". My moaning about not learning to fly, or writing a book etc, are all really expressions of cravings and urges(1). I know what the one thing is for me and I need to keep it in view and organise my life to work towards it.

I am reading Sex God by Rob Bell. It's a great book and an excellent follow up to The Velvet Elvis. In the chapter Leather, Whips, and Fruit(his use of the Oxford comma not mine;P ) he writes the following"

Whatever it is that has it’s hooks in you, you will never be free from it until you find something you want more. It’s not about getting rid of desire. It’s about giving ourselves to bigger and better and more powerful desires.

What are you channelling your energies into?

Because they will go somewhere.

If they don’t go into a few, select, disciplined pursuits that you are passionate about and willing to give your life to, then they’ll dissipate into all sorts of urges and cravings that won’t even begin to bring the joy that the “one thing” could.

You are crammed full of the “madness of the gods”(2). And you will end up giving the force of you being to something.

Maybe it’s as simple as asking God to show it to you, to give it to you, to make you aware of it.

There was a story all over the media about a television star whose boyfriend videotaped the two of them having sex and then put it on the internet. Apparently lots of people were watching it, and she was crushed. Which is sad. But what’s tragic is that she was known for having sex and shopping. It kind of became her schtik – she was making a career out of being shallow. Now, of course, she was all over the media, and she was making lots of money, so she was clearly much smarter than she let on, but she was made for so much more than this.

Her life force was tremendous. But the problem was she hadn’t channelled it into something, or a few things, that is good and true and beautiful. She hadn’t focused all of that God-given sexual energy into the ongoing creation of a better and better world. And so she fell for all these temptations that robbed her of the joy she was made for.

The last thing she needed to do was to tone down those energies.

She simply needed to redirect them. (3)

What is it you’ve given your life to?

Life is not about toning down and repressing your God-given life force. It’s about channelling it and focusing it and turning it lose on something beautiful, soemthign pure and true and good, something that connects you with God, with others, with the world.

What do you want more?

How can you make your life about that so that you won’t be tempted to give in to this? (emphasis in orginal)

Life is about choices. So often people talk as if they are at the mercy of life, and perhaps they are. Perhaps they have succumbed to the tyranny of the every day. Perhaps I have. But I can make a choice. I can look at my life realistically, for what it is and, more importantly, for where it is, and choose. My choices need to account for the conditions of my life, family, friends, God etc. But they are still my choices. I am free to make them and to live by the consequences. If I retain the vision, the purpose, the "one thing", I am sure that the choices will have a positive impact on those around me. If not, at least, because I stop moping and whining. ^_^

Life is good. It is hard, messy and complex, but, it is good. It is made to be lived not endured. I am convinced that this is the way God made it to be. It seems to me than many people, myself included, end up falling into the trap of the latter rather than being released into the joy of the former.

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(1) Having said that I think that in the pursuit of the "one thing" there is the promise of meeting all of these desires and more. Some are more likely than others, like writing a book and putting on a production of Jesus Christ Superstar. But they could all be in there.

(2) A reference to an earlier chapter. “Some say the struggle is about eros, which is where we get the word erotic. Others call it testosterone and blame it on hormones. The Greeks called it the madness of the gods. The truth is, we are crammed full of sexual energy, it’s how we’re made. We have cravings and desires and urges and temptations that can easily consume us and make us feel helpful in their presence. We have to talk about what we do with the forces that rage within us. We have to get it out or we begin to die on the inside.”

(3) It’s pretty clear who he is talking about here. And if recent interviews are anything to go by it would seem she is making an effort to dot his now. For once I am interested to watch a celebrity’s progress. I hope she succeeds. I hope she doesn’t get torn apart by a cynical and hackneyed media.

I have been listening to the Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack. I love it. I want to direct a production of it. But I can't :(

Which makes me think about those things we want that we never seem to be able to get. There can be many reasons for this. But it just made me think of them. I have a sort list.

I have always wanted to:
- Climb a pyramid. Ever since I saw a program on Pyramids when I was 7.
- Learn to fly. I suppose in a plane, or hang glide. Though mostly I'd love to just plain be able to fly.
- Write a book. Actually write lots of books. Fiction and non-fiction.
- Direct a play. Again, actually, I'd like to direct more than one, but especially the aforementioned musical. And I have directed plays in the past, just not for the last 18 years or so.

I could cite any number of reasons why these things haven't happened. And quite possibly why they are very unlikely to happen.

I find the cognitive dissonance surrounding these "unmeetable desires" particularly acute at the moment. Probably because more generally I am feeling a fairly strong cognitive dissonance between where I am and where I want to be.

Life seems to have a momentum of it's own. It will take me down a path of "just living" (not an inherently bad thing) which is likely to lead to a "good life"(1) without too much effort. But I want more from my life than that.

Life is about more than just being comfortable. It’s about more than meeting my immediate desires and needs. It’s about more than gratification. So I need to look to how I can reorganise my life to move in a different direction. To step out of the general momentum, out of the river, and move in the direction I want to go, rather than the direction I am going.

I get one life. It’s pretty much half over (or more than that even). So it’s time to look at it and think: “where do I want to be”? Once that question is answered it’s a matter of looking at how to move in that direction.

Living intentionally instead of accidentally is the goal.


(1) I define a good life as one that is generally accepted by society as good. Nice job, good income, nice family, nice things etc. A great life is so much more. It may include all of this, it may not.